Just some thoughts...

I've been thinking a lot these past few weeks about friends and things (see past blogs) and I actually got a chance to hang out with a few people the other night. I "closed down Barley's" for the first time, without drinking too much. But I was able to do a shot with a great friend, who I really didn't get to see much while he was home. We got to talk a lot, even though he was busy hitting on a girl...same old Rosario. It was the first time I had seen the rest of my friends since Michael and Stacey's wedding, and before that, I don't remember the last time I saw them. It was good for me, but hearing Rosario talk made me sad...he said "You never know who your real friends are until you go away." I know I complain and worry about this a lot, but it's just something that's on my mind right now, especially after some things that happened last night. I really don't feel good enough for my friends anyway and I feel like the more I cry to them about this, the less appealing I am, but I'm so scared. The more I think about it, the more scared I get, and I can't seem to shake that feeling. April and I were talking this past weekend and I think it helped me reach a conclusion. I've started closing different chapters in my life and I'm going to close a lot more before the year is over. It started over christmas break when I quit St. Mary's. Then I left Celebration!. I have my last official class at NKU this summer. I'll be quitting Children Inc. all together, and taking the fall off from the Nurturing Center and Senior retreat. Taking like 11 weeks off at the Children's Home. Then graduating in Dec. I think that's enough stress to make anyone a little crazy. No wonder I feel like I'll lose my friends, I'm saying good-bye to everything else, it only seems right. So yeah...not much else to say, even thought thoughts are running over...maybe I'll write a poem now...yeah, I'm feelin' it:

Thoughts running over
Feelings springing forth
Ripping at my heart
Tearing at my soul
Losing it all
Closing chapters
With nothing new to begin
It's all ending
Where is my new beginning?
I can't stand it
I cry out
But no one hears
Not even me
Not even me