HOLY POTATOES I've posted again!!!!

Ok, so it's been 2 months since my last post...It's not like a lot has happened since then. Let's see if I have any drafts saved...I'll brb...k, well I did have one saved but it wasn't done and it was pretty depressing, so we'll just skip over that. Instead of trying to catch up on the 2 months lost, I'm just gonna focus on the present although there are some built up things that might try to weasel their way in here. Last night was the second might this summer that I didn't have anything to do or to hang out with. I guess I could've gone to Fed's, but I don't really know him all that well and I was afraid of feeling weird. Bosse was supposed to call me when he got off work and he didn't but to my surprise I dealt a lot better with no plans than last time...There is a lot behind that but we're not trying not to focus on the past. I often feel the need to hang out or do something every night because if I'm alone then I think too much about being alone and it scares and depresses me. But last night actually wasn't too bad. I talked to Sends in the afternoon and it was a good, kinda hard conversation which made me cry, but it was good all the same. I'm really glad that that Sends let me ramble and vent to him because I feel bad complaining about the same damn things to Schalk and Brea-Anne, they have enough to worry about without me complaining about stupid things to them. I also feel like Dave is shutting me out whether it be intentional or not and I'm a little worried by it. I feel like everything I learn something about him it's from someone else and that's not easy for me. I miss when he would tell me things and I wouldn't have to find out by accident or from someone else. I don't know what I want, I just know that for once I want someone to want me...Whether to date me, to hang out with me, to talk to me, anything. I feel like I'm always a burden or not really wanted, but just always around...That's not a feeling that settles really well, but I'll get over it. Ok that's enough for now and I'll try to post again this month or at least sooner than September :o)