Here's to you, Linz!

"View From Heaven"

by: YELLOWCARD

i'm just so tired
wont you sing me to sleep
and fly through my dreams
so i can hitch a ride with you tonight
and get away from this place
have a new name and face
i just aint the same without you in my life

late night drives, all alone in my car
i can't help but start
singing lines from all our favorite songs
and melodies in the air sing
in life just aint fair
sometimes i still just can't believe you're gone

and im sure the view from heaven
beats the hell out of mine here
and if we all believe in heaven,
maybe we'll make it through one more year
down here

feel your fire, when its cold in my heart
and things sorta start
remindin' me of my last night with you
i only need one more day
just one more chance to say
i wish that i had gone up with you too

and i'm sure the view from heaven
beats the hell out of mine here
and if we all believe in heaven
maybe we'll make it through one more year
down here

you wont be comin' back
and i didn't get to say goodbye (goodbye)
i really wish i got to say goodbye

and im sure the view from heaven
beats the hell out of mine here
and if we all believe in heaven
maybe we'll make it through one more year
i hope that all is well in heaven
cause it's all shot to hell down here

i hope that i find you in heaven
cause i'm so...lost without you down here
you wont be coming back
and i didn't get to say goodbye (goodbye)
i really wish i got to say gooooodbye

Well so it's been a week since I got the news. I'm not going to say that it's been easy, because it has been one of the hardest things that I have gone through in my 21 years on this earth. It just doesn't seem fair that she lost her life so young. What made it the hardest for me was that I felt like I was losing a part of myself. Granted she wasn't still the best friend I had had had for 10 years of my life, but she still carried apart of me with her and I carry apart of her with me. She was my childhood. Nearly every good memory I have as a child, (and a few not-so-good ones also) revolve around her. She taught me the meaning of friendship. And not only that, but she actually taught me how to be a friend, which without those values, I wouldn't have the wonderful friends that I have now. I used to be a bossy, stuck-up girl who couldn't admit when she was wrong...granted I still stuggle with the "admitting when I'm wrong" part, but for the most part, she was the one who grounded me and helped shape me into the person that I am today. Freshman year, when I didn't have many friends, it was the late night phone calls from Lindsey that helped give me strength to find a group of friends to belong to. I was ashamed that I didn't know how to make friends and I didn't want her to think I was a loser, so I would promise myself to put forth the effort to make new friends and I did. But dispite the fact that we grew apart, I don't think that we ever loved each other any less. Everytime we'd see each other, it was almost like a trip to the past, we were best friends again, laughing and telling secrets and remembering our "good times" together and all the trouble we'd get into. It's still hard for me at some points to believe that she's really gone. I think that it kinda hits me and is real for me only at certain points, which is kinda weird.

Now I'll explain the song. On the Friday after she died, I was on my way to work when my boss called me and told me I didn't need to go in. I didn't want to go home because home meant more tears, so I called and woke up Dave and went over to his house to hang out. He was in the living room playing some CD's that I wasn't in the mood for and so I went into his room and was listening to his radio. I Just played the CD that he had in there, Yellowcard. I like Yellowcard, but I don't know all their stuff, just what plays on the radio. I was laying there thinking about Lindsey and this song came on and I truely think that it was a gift from God. Especially because the song after it also hit me hard. I'll put those lyrics at the end.

But for now, I'm signing off. Thank you Lindsey for all that you have taught me, how you have believed in me, and how you have inspired me. You have made Heaven a better place and I know that you are shining your light through the sun, you are sharing your tears with the rain and you are sending your smiles through the rainbows. I love you and will never forget you.

"Believe"

by: YELLOWCARD

Think about the love inside the strength of heart

Think about the heroes saving life in the dark

Climbing higher through the fire, time was running out

Never knowing you weren't going to be coming down alive

But you still came back for me

You were strong and you believed

Everything is gonna be alright

Everything is gonna be alright

Everything is gonna be alright

Be strong. Believe.

Be strong. Believe.

Think about the chance I never had to say

Thank you for giving up your life that day

Never fearing, only hearing voices calling out

Let it all go, the life that you know,

just to bring it down alive

And you still came back for me

You were strong and you believed

Everything is gonna be alright

Everything is gonna be alright

Everything is gonna be alright

Be strong. Believe.

(Again today, we take into our hearts and minds those who perished on this site one year ago, and also those who came to toil in the rubble to bring order out of chaos, to help us make sense of our despair)

Wanna hold my wife when I get home

Wanna tell the kids they'll never know how much I love to see them smile

Wanna make a change or two right now

Wanna live a life like you somehow

Wanna make your sacrifice worthwhile

Everything is gonna be alright

Everything is gonna be alright

Everything is gonna be alright

Be strong. Believe.

Everything is gonna be alright

Everything is gonna be alright

Everything is gonna be alright

Be strong. Believe.

Think about the love inside the strength of heart

Think about the heroes saving life in the dark

Think about the chance I never had to say

Thank you for giving up your life that day

(The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here)

Dedicated in loving memory to Lindsey Sendelbach b. October 5, 1984 d. July 13 2005

HOLY POTATOES I've posted again!!!!

Ok, so it's been 2 months since my last post...It's not like a lot has happened since then. Let's see if I have any drafts saved...I'll brb...k, well I did have one saved but it wasn't done and it was pretty depressing, so we'll just skip over that. Instead of trying to catch up on the 2 months lost, I'm just gonna focus on the present although there are some built up things that might try to weasel their way in here. Last night was the second might this summer that I didn't have anything to do or to hang out with. I guess I could've gone to Fed's, but I don't really know him all that well and I was afraid of feeling weird. Bosse was supposed to call me when he got off work and he didn't but to my surprise I dealt a lot better with no plans than last time...There is a lot behind that but we're not trying not to focus on the past. I often feel the need to hang out or do something every night because if I'm alone then I think too much about being alone and it scares and depresses me. But last night actually wasn't too bad. I talked to Sends in the afternoon and it was a good, kinda hard conversation which made me cry, but it was good all the same. I'm really glad that that Sends let me ramble and vent to him because I feel bad complaining about the same damn things to Schalk and Brea-Anne, they have enough to worry about without me complaining about stupid things to them. I also feel like Dave is shutting me out whether it be intentional or not and I'm a little worried by it. I feel like everything I learn something about him it's from someone else and that's not easy for me. I miss when he would tell me things and I wouldn't have to find out by accident or from someone else. I don't know what I want, I just know that for once I want someone to want me...Whether to date me, to hang out with me, to talk to me, anything. I feel like I'm always a burden or not really wanted, but just always around...That's not a feeling that settles really well, but I'll get over it. Ok that's enough for now and I'll try to post again this month or at least sooner than September :o)