a little depressing

Do you ever get to the point when you start questioning what this whole life thing is all about?? It's a question that I have been asking myself over and over. I'll have a day with family or friends that will make me laugh and smile and be happy to be alive, but then soon after, it all goes back to only trying to remember what happiness feels like. What it felt to be included, what it felt to be in control of my own life.
I feel like I know what I want to to get out of this life and I feel like I know how to achieve it, but what I don't know is how to get to the point of doing. To get past all of the dreaming and plannin and actually see how it turns out. I seem to have lost my motivation for life and that scares me. What happened to the fun-loving girl I once was, how was I lost? I seem to be slipping back into ways that I have for so long tried to forget and move past. I never really thought that I was depressed, just dealing with life, but I am no longer sure. How many days and nights of tears does it take before it's time to ask for help? Maybe I don't want help, but instead I am just waiting for someone to show concern and offer me help, just so I can refuse it.
As I was driving around today, I turned off the radio and just simply let my thoughts wonder. I seem to be searching for something without even knowing where to look or what I am looking for. All around me people are moving forward, embracing their futures with open arms, but where does that leave me? Why am I unable to move forward in my own life? Why do I feel as if everyday is a struggle to wake up and go through the same happenings? What am I doing here? What is God's plan for me? And most importantly...how am I to figure all of this out??

cold blanket around my shoulders
tears burning my eyes
too timid to look at the sun
in fear that it might not be shining for me

wanting to feel the warmth that surrounds others
those smiling, laughing people
instead i pretend that i am one with them
even though my heart is sad

i am left in the cold
feeling nothing but alone
wishing i was someone else,
apart af it all